How important is an emotional bank account in your life?

/ Effective, Habits, human behaviour, Work
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Introduction

An emotional bank account is new to me but nevertheless very important

As you know, I am reviewing the book (affiliate link👉): 7 Habits of highly effective people (7HHEP).

This is part of my journey to improve myself. My first 4 posts in this book review were easy to write. It took me a single read of each chapter to understand the message making the blog a breeze to write.

Read previous blog post here: https://lifeofadocpreneur.com/2021/05/07/how-to-practise-effective-self-management-put-first-things-first/

here: https://lifeofadocpreneur.com/2021/04/03/proactivity-first-tip-on-how-to-be-highly-effective/

and here: https://lifeofadocpreneur.com/2021/04/17/highly-effective-people-begin-with-the-end-in-mind/

However, understanding the second half of this book is somewhat of a challenge. I find that I am having to read it 3 or 4 times to grasps the fundamentals of each chapter. On reflection, I believe the second half is filled with new ideas for me. I was already practising the first 3 habits and therefore it was easy to understand.

Before I proceed to the 4th HHEP (Next blog post), I need to understand and explain some important points. These include dependence, independence and interdependence.

Dependence

Dependence

Dependence refers to you not me or I. The dependant person expects to be looked after by others. Their thought process is : You look after me, you come to my rescue, you did not come to my rescue and I blame you for the results. To get what they want, dependent people rely on others. For example

  • The intellectually dependent: rely on others to do the thinking for issues and problems
  • The emotionally dependent: a sense of worth and security comes from the opinion of others
  • The physically dependent: babies, toddlers, paralysed and disabled

Independence

Independence

Independence refers to me or I. I can do, I am responsible and self-reliant. For example

  • The intellectually independent: can think creatively and analytically, able to think and express thoughts in clear format.
  • The emotionally independent: is self-validated. Self-worth and security come from within.
  • The physically independent: can move without assistance.

Independence is better than dependence but independence is not supreme. In order to maintain teamwork, communication and co-operation, we need interdependence

Interdependence

Interdependence

Interdependence is a mature concept. It means I can share myself deeply and tap into the vast resources of others. However, only independent people can choose to be interdependent. Dependent individuals have nothing to offer and are not in control of themselves to become interdependent.

Interdependence is a relationship. We put in what we are, not what we say or do. If you are dependent, you have nothing to put into an interdependent relationship.

We create, nurture and build an interdependent relationship by making deposits into an Emotional bank account


EMOTIONAL BANK ACCOUNT (EBA)

  • Emotions

  • Bank

An emotional bank account works in the same way as a financial bank account. Depending on the type of deposits you put in EBA, you may add or take away value.

Instead of depositing money, you deposit actions such as courtesy, kindness, honesty and keeping commitments/promises.

Deposits that add value to An Emotional Bank Account

  • Courtesy
  • Kindness
  • Honesty
  • Keeping commitments/promises

These actions builds trust. With continued deposits, the level of trust increases over time.

Deposits that take away value from An Emotional Bank Account

  • Discourtesy
  • Disrespect
  • Cutting people off
  • Overreacting
  • Ignoring
  • Betraying your trust
  • Threatening
  • Playing God

On the contrary, the above actions diminish trust and put the EBA in the “RED”. This creates an atmosphere filled with tension.

Building any relationship (at home, work or in the community) is a long term investment. There is no quick fix in a broken relationship.

5 Crucial deposits that build An Emotional Bank Account

  1. Understand people: This is the most important. Understanding people enables you to know what they will consider as a deposit or a withdrawal for the EBA
  2. Attend to little things: Such as kindness, politeness, respect.
  3. Keeping commitments: This is very crucial as breaking commitments is a major withdrawal.
  4. Clarifying expectations: Unclear expectations cause misunderstandings and the breakdown of trust. Expectations should be made clear from the onset. This saves time and emotions in the future.
  5. Showing personal integrity: Integrity is fulfilling promises and expectations. This generates trust and it is a huge deposit. Defending those who are not present helps develop and maintain trust/integrity to those who are present.

Take home message

  • What deposits have you put into an emotional bank account recently?
  • Did you add or take away value?

Disclosure: There Are Affiliate Links Within This Post. I May Get A Small Commission Should You Use This Link To Make A Purchase. The Commission Is At No Cost To You. Thanks

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